Just read the second short story about mc's Dad. Just imagining what he saw through the eyes of his partner and not being able to help him or his child made me tear up. Your writing is just incredible I really love the world you built and eagerly await the next main story update.
what a way to end a demo! i was sitting on the edge of my seat anticipating the rescue between MC and Telio. it raised my anxiety, but in an entirely good way! i cannot wait for more updates to this <3
Okay so... I can't believe I put off playing this for so long. I mean, I played the very beginning when the story first started; I didn't feel it was for me but, WOOOWZERRSS WAS I WRONG! this is EVERYTHING I CRAVE IN AN IF- especially getting the chance to be an angry gremlin.
And like wtf...that ending point filled me with so much anticipation for the next update. My MC is just there smiling like a Hell hound, whilst everyone else is scared, distraught and battered...
..
Hehehehe they've done it now. May wrath be with them soon.
Well, not who I thought it would be. But god damn, just as good. My little half-elf is practically vibrating with happiness at the arrival of their rescuer.
I love this story to bits. If I recall correctly there was a rewrite or a change to the story when I started to read, so I sort of fell off and suddenly realized I should check and I teared up not going to lie. Broke my heart in the best way possible. I will defend Telio with my dying breath and I hope he doesn't just disappear from our lives. Also I really want to see Ash's perspective. I smell trauma and I love it.
If you aren't wanting concrit, then stop here and I will say I eagerly look forward to the next update and hope you have a marvelous time!
My only critiques are in the first chapter the talk with Tobias feels...odd? Not in terms of writing, but like variables or choices aren't lining up properly? I chose to be upset at everyone and sometimes it gave me whiplash on how MC would go from sad/angry to perfectly fine? Specifically around the "Go Back to Arthur" part. It was a bit of a disconnect. Like if you pick the "I don't know" option to forgive Tobias, it's logged as you forgiving him??? And then even if you choose not to forgive Tobias, if you pick what I view as the "I'm still upset, but I'm not taking it out on Arthur" option (telling him softly you don't want to discuss it as everything else is just rude, or technically a lie, but the game doesn't log it as a lie?), it is "you and Tobias share a smile", when you were still fuming before? You have to be angry with Arthur too to get continuity. (I also chose to only be angry at Tobias in another game, but Tobias still says "Arthur and I are on the blacklist").
And the other one is that it's sometimes hard to follow who is talking, or new characters. My main example is in the latest update when we enter the camp. One moment Sloan is talking and then suddenly there's another person speaking and then later down we learn that person is a female dwarf, but it reads like Sloan was the one talking or Eleven. And other times when there's a new person speaking, but it's still a part of the same paragraph as the last.
(Also is there a guide somewhere for what the emojis mean and I'm just daft and can't find it?)
The fact Telio is not an RO is CRIMINAL!!! The way he sheilds us, cares for us, fucking carries us in his arms oml. I want my little tear and him married when theyre older!
Hello, I'm excited to be adding another game to my collection of IFs, just to let you know while I was playing around with the fonts I noticed that the Open Dyslexic font is just the Serif font.
Side note the colors are so pretty, my bathroom has the same color palette I love soft pastels ^-^
Thanks for stopping by to read and also for pointing out these problems! I also like pastel colors, but I mainly play with dark mode to relieve my eyes!
It’s almost two A.M and I just finished. Never, and I mean never, has a IF gotten me this invested. The writing was beautiful and I need more! It made me cry and laugh and that was only the demo?!?! One of my favorite parts was how well the feelings of jealousy and just being a kid was portrayed! Honestly my heart DROPPED when the well choice came up. Obviously it was foreshadowed but I still didn’t expect it! And I love Arthur, he’s just doing his best! I love the childish banter between them and I’d be lying if I didn’t want the young love to happen. I’ve gone kind of everywhere with this comment but this whole thing had me in awe the whole time. Great work, don’t stop. I’m begging you.
So amazingly written. Every character is created with thought and care, even the 'bad guys' are multifaceted. One of the few IFs where I'm hooked at every word, and don't just skim through. Keep it up!!
This compliment makes me very happy. Secondary characters are always harder to write from my point of view, so to know that they seem real goes straight to my heart.
I swear if anything happens to MC and Telio, I will find a way to physically enter the world of this story and beat to death all those bastards.
On a side note, I hope that choosing to want to help Arthur one day with his little flower project (with the heart beating from his smile) was the sort of oblivious flirting option. I love the idea of oblivious flirting when they are so young. Far to young yet for actual intentional flirting in my opinion. lol But the smiling emoji face was hard to determine if that marked it as romantic or platonic.
I'm so happy to bring you so much emotion! The renegades are horrible, but they're not even the worst. The choice you've made is exactly what I'd call oblivious flirting!
Ha, I dislike ppl that abuse kids. Definitely best way to get me riled up against a character or group. Specially the ones eyeing the half-elf MC in...other more twisted ways.
And phew. Glad cause Arthur is my main RO in this. MC and his romance already began beautifully....by arguing over whose a pervert in an obviously innocent accidental situation. xD
It was perfect. Just two little kids, trying to take a wee in the woods at the unfortunately exact same time. I'm only sad that when my MC found Arthur in his home later, he couldn't say "Pervert! What are you doing in my house!?" to poor Arthur. But its still in my mind the perfect beginning of their friendship and love. Just wait till their future adopted kids ask them how they first met. xD
Love the story so far with the exception of what is currently happening to our sweet little mc and their stuffed friend. I hope you're able to update the demo soon I need our little mc to be saved asap. Thank you for your amazing story and please keep up the amazing work.
Doesn't matter if choose Arthur's memory or main story, an error appears and cannot continue. And in barn when accept Arthur's help can't continue too.
Charming and emotionally heavy story. The reader can easily relate to child MC through the struggles and the need to rebel against their mother's overprotectiveness and need to prove herself as a better mother than her own mother, who means well, yet is almost suffocating them.
In spite of that, she remains one of my favorite characters due to how complex her character is. I love how she never reveals her fears and vulnerabilities whenever MC is around, putting up a strong front so her child always feels safe.
I think there is an error in the scene where you choose if you exited to see Arthur or that you hate him. I selected the one where I decided to hate him, and an error came.
I enjoyed the update. It was nice getting to know our cute tiny MC better and for me being a bit cheeky with his personality. Aswell as getting to know his family. The cliffhanger was crazy. Exciteddd for more. Oh and have a great weekend ♥️
Lovely demo! for starters the colors are beautiful and lovely, secondly, I love the game so far and can't wait to see what comes next! it may be short but it most certainly drew me in quite fast haha!
Just now got around to playing the update! It's wonderful! I enjoyed getting to play as the mc and get to experience them for a bit longer! Not to sound repetitive or anything but I definitely enjoy your work!
Okay, so! Honestly, I do not comment games or other IFs whatsoever, even if I played and read a lot of them, this will be my first comment on itch.io, and I wished to tell you, author, that this story has great potential, and I NEED to see what happens next. Also yes, everything looks really pretty. I wish you great luck not only with this IF, but with your other present or future projects as well.
This was wonderful really. So short yet so descriptive. I really got pulled into the demo. It's very well written really honestly it is soo gooood. I love the colors and how options are presented. It looks really pretty.
I am very excited for it. I don't think I've read anything like it tho with all the characters it's giving LOTR vibes and I ain't mad at it.
Good luck with the writing. Tho it seems you don't need it with a start like this. ♥️
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Just read the second short story about mc's Dad. Just imagining what he saw through the eyes of his partner and not being able to help him or his child made me tear up. Your writing is just incredible I really love the world you built and eagerly await the next main story update.
Thank you ! I hope the short stories will keep everyone occupied , because I've got a lot of work to do before I can update. 💙
what a way to end a demo! i was sitting on the edge of my seat anticipating the rescue between MC and Telio. it raised my anxiety, but in an entirely good way! i cannot wait for more updates to this <3
Thank you so much ! I hope you enjoy the next part as much.
Okay so... I can't believe I put off playing this for so long. I mean, I played the very beginning when the story first started; I didn't feel it was for me but, WOOOWZERRSS WAS I WRONG! this is EVERYTHING I CRAVE IN AN IF- especially getting the chance to be an angry gremlin.
And like wtf...that ending point filled me with so much anticipation for the next update. My MC is just there smiling like a Hell hound, whilst everyone else is scared, distraught and battered...
..
Hehehehe they've done it now. May wrath be with them soon.
Never judge a book by its cover...or its first pages! Lol. I'm glad you changed your mind about my story. 😊
What was the update 3 days ago for? new content?
nah. Just some typo and bugs fixing. 😊
Well, not who I thought it would be. But god damn, just as good. My little half-elf is practically vibrating with happiness at the arrival of their rescuer.
😊
The scene when Cecily figures out MC is crushing on Arthur (if they are) is my favorite. Hoping he’s part of the rescue party :)
One of my favorite too 💛
I love this story to bits. If I recall correctly there was a rewrite or a change to the story when I started to read, so I sort of fell off and suddenly realized I should check and I teared up not going to lie. Broke my heart in the best way possible. I will defend Telio with my dying breath and I hope he doesn't just disappear from our lives. Also I really want to see Ash's perspective. I smell trauma and I love it.
If you aren't wanting concrit, then stop here and I will say I eagerly look forward to the next update and hope you have a marvelous time!
My only critiques are in the first chapter the talk with Tobias feels...odd? Not in terms of writing, but like variables or choices aren't lining up properly? I chose to be upset at everyone and sometimes it gave me whiplash on how MC would go from sad/angry to perfectly fine? Specifically around the "Go Back to Arthur" part. It was a bit of a disconnect. Like if you pick the "I don't know" option to forgive Tobias, it's logged as you forgiving him??? And then even if you choose not to forgive Tobias, if you pick what I view as the "I'm still upset, but I'm not taking it out on Arthur" option (telling him softly you don't want to discuss it as everything else is just rude, or technically a lie, but the game doesn't log it as a lie?), it is "you and Tobias share a smile", when you were still fuming before? You have to be angry with Arthur too to get continuity. (I also chose to only be angry at Tobias in another game, but Tobias still says "Arthur and I are on the blacklist").
And the other one is that it's sometimes hard to follow who is talking, or new characters. My main example is in the latest update when we enter the camp. One moment Sloan is talking and then suddenly there's another person speaking and then later down we learn that person is a female dwarf, but it reads like Sloan was the one talking or Eleven. And other times when there's a new person speaking, but it's still a part of the same paragraph as the last.
(Also is there a guide somewhere for what the emojis mean and I'm just daft and can't find it?)
Hi there!
Thanks for all the feedback. I'll try to make the adjustments as soon as chapter 2 is finished. 🥰
The fact Telio is not an RO is CRIMINAL!!! The way he sheilds us, cares for us, fucking carries us in his arms oml. I want my little tear and him married when theyre older!
I was just thinking this, my delusional self keeps checking the main page to see if he's listed 🥲
If nothing else, I demand him be a lifelong friend and ally. lol
He will be your most fierce ally !
Hello, I'm excited to be adding another game to my collection of IFs, just to let you know while I was playing around with the fonts I noticed that the Open Dyslexic font is just the Serif font.
Side note the colors are so pretty, my bathroom has the same color palette I love soft pastels ^-^
Thanks for stopping by to read and also for pointing out these problems! I also like pastel colors, but I mainly play with dark mode to relieve my eyes!
Have a nice day!
THE ENDING IS SO GOOD!!!!
Thank you ! 😊
THANK YOU! For writing it. Its superb, I await eargerly for the next update 😇
It’s almost two A.M and I just finished. Never, and I mean never, has a IF gotten me this invested. The writing was beautiful and I need more! It made me cry and laugh and that was only the demo?!?! One of my favorite parts was how well the feelings of jealousy and just being a kid was portrayed! Honestly my heart DROPPED when the well choice came up. Obviously it was foreshadowed but I still didn’t expect it! And I love Arthur, he’s just doing his best! I love the childish banter between them and I’d be lying if I didn’t want the young love to happen. I’ve gone kind of everywhere with this comment but this whole thing had me in awe the whole time. Great work, don’t stop. I’m begging you.
Thank you so much ! I hope you will enjoy the future update 😊
So amazingly written. Every character is created with thought and care, even the 'bad guys' are multifaceted. One of the few IFs where I'm hooked at every word, and don't just skim through. Keep it up!!
This compliment makes me very happy. Secondary characters are always harder to write from my point of view, so to know that they seem real goes straight to my heart.
Loved the update, it was great! What an end! Excited for more!
Glad you liked it ! 😊
"Come! Come to me! Come to me and don't be afraid."
Hey. Is this a reference to the Devil whispering to the boy from the poem Erlkonig written by Goethe?
not at all, dear !
Loved this game, very excited for the next chapter/fullgame!!
Thank you sm ! I'm still writing the next update. Can't wait to share it, but it's still a little short atm. 😊
I swear if anything happens to MC and Telio, I will find a way to physically enter the world of this story and beat to death all those bastards.
On a side note, I hope that choosing to want to help Arthur one day with his little flower project (with the heart beating from his smile) was the sort of oblivious flirting option. I love the idea of oblivious flirting when they are so young. Far to young yet for actual intentional flirting in my opinion. lol But the smiling emoji face was hard to determine if that marked it as romantic or platonic.
Hi dear!
I'm so happy to bring you so much emotion! The renegades are horrible, but they're not even the worst. The choice you've made is exactly what I'd call oblivious flirting!
Ha, I dislike ppl that abuse kids. Definitely best way to get me riled up against a character or group. Specially the ones eyeing the half-elf MC in...other more twisted ways.
And phew. Glad cause Arthur is my main RO in this. MC and his romance already began beautifully....by arguing over whose a pervert in an obviously innocent accidental situation. xD
There's never a toilet scene in stories, but I wanted one and voilà, it happened! 😆
It was perfect. Just two little kids, trying to take a wee in the woods at the unfortunately exact same time. I'm only sad that when my MC found Arthur in his home later, he couldn't say "Pervert! What are you doing in my house!?" to poor Arthur. But its still in my mind the perfect beginning of their friendship and love. Just wait till their future adopted kids ask them how they first met. xD
I could add that. It's not a big deal, just a line of code ! 😊
i hope u won't abandon us 😔🙏 (i'm tired of wips being dropped suddenly or ghosted)
I wouldn't do it it's just that updates take time because I have to work to pay my bills so I can only write in the evenings or during weekends. 😭
Love the story so far with the exception of what is currently happening to our sweet little mc and their stuffed friend. I hope you're able to update the demo soon I need our little mc to be saved asap. Thank you for your amazing story and please keep up the amazing work.
Hi ! Don't worry, I'm working on it! Little star and Plushie will be saved! 😤😈 The Renegades had better be ready.
new favorite found !!
Thank you 💖
I definitely need more of this
You'll definitely get more!
i want an option to hiss at arthur when I meet him.
That can be arranged.
I'm absolutely in love with this story, oh my god. Can't wait to see where it goes from here! Thank you for sharing this with us, author :D
Thank you Berry ! I'm glad you like the story !
Loved the little update, can't wait for more!
Thank you 💕
❤️ I adore your writing and your characters, their natural banter with one another. (the recent update has my heart.)
Thank you Lea ! I hope it wasn't too difficult to read regarding Mc 😊
I love the story so so much, the characters, the familiars, the bicker and banter 😭
I'm looking so much forward to the next update ❤️
Aww thank you dear !
I was so happy to see this continued after moving away from ChoiceScript. Loved the new update! So excited for more!
I'm so happy to know that you're still following the project even after I've left for Twine.
loved this so much!!! elliana is such a good character and i really liked how i can be an absolute hellspawn towards tobias apprentice lmao
Thank you ! I'm glad you like Elianna. She's doing her best. 💕
nice game dev please keep working on it its awesome and i wish to see more of i
Doesn't matter if choose Arthur's memory or main story, an error appears and cannot continue. And in barn when accept Arthur's help can't continue too.
Hi dear ! Did you have a good or bad relationship with Arthur for begin with ? :)
Hello! Good ofcourse, because Arthur so sweet and i don't have a heart to hate him haha
Thank you ! Will look into it. Then try to restart the game. Using an old save can be a problem :)
Your welcome, and thank you for your hard work. Good luck with bugs and writing, i'll be waiting for Corden and S ♥️
You can try again if you want :)
Charming and emotionally heavy story. The reader can easily relate to child MC through the struggles and the need to rebel against their mother's overprotectiveness and need to prove herself as a better mother than her own mother, who means well, yet is almost suffocating them.
In spite of that, she remains one of my favorite characters due to how complex her character is. I love how she never reveals her fears and vulnerabilities whenever MC is around, putting up a strong front so her child always feels safe.
I think there is an error in the scene where you choose if you exited to see Arthur or that you hate him. I selected the one where I decided to hate him, and an error came.
PS: love your story
Hi ! It's fixed thanks for letting me know ! :)
I enjoyed the update. It was nice getting to know our cute tiny MC better and for me being a bit cheeky with his personality. Aswell as getting to know his family. The cliffhanger was crazy. Exciteddd for more. Oh and have a great weekend ♥️
There will be even more opportunities to be cheeky in the future.
I'm glad you liked the update and the demo.
Have a nice weekend 💕
i loved the storyline ^^
Thank you ! 😊
ur welcome ^^
Lovely demo! for starters the colors are beautiful and lovely, secondly, I love the game so far and can't wait to see what comes next! it may be short but it most certainly drew me in quite fast haha!
Hi !!
You won't have to wait long, as I've just updated the game. I hope you enjoy what happens next, thanks for reading.
Just now got around to playing the update! It's wonderful! I enjoyed getting to play as the mc and get to experience them for a bit longer! Not to sound repetitive or anything but I definitely enjoy your work!
Okay, so! Honestly, I do not comment games or other IFs whatsoever, even if I played and read a lot of them, this will be my first comment on itch.io, and I wished to tell you, author, that this story has great potential, and I NEED to see what happens next. Also yes, everything looks really pretty. I wish you great luck not only with this IF, but with your other present or future projects as well.
Oh thank you so much for taking the time to comment, it means so much to me as it's the first time you've done so. I hope you will enjoy the rest.
This was wonderful really. So short yet so descriptive. I really got pulled into the demo. It's very well written really honestly it is soo gooood. I love the colors and how options are presented. It looks really pretty.
I am very excited for it. I don't think I've read anything like it tho with all the characters it's giving LOTR vibes and I ain't mad at it.
Good luck with the writing. Tho it seems you don't need it with a start like this. ♥️
Thank you very much for your compliments. Concerning the fonts, if you go to the settings you can choose another size and another font.
I hope that helps.
I saw that. Goes to show how blind my dumbass is lol thank u and honestly i reaaaally do like the story. Hope you have a wonderful week ahead ♥️